They Say

They say it's a lie,

They say it's a joke,

Why can't anybody see past this cloak?

This cloak of invisibility,

cloak of silence,

cloak of tears,

all shed when it was quiet.

When will they learn this isn't the real me?

They say that I lie,

They say that I'm a joke,

but when I finally take off this cloak,

They will learn, they will see

all of this pain bottled up

inside of me.

And maybe,just maybe,

they will all learn

to see, that everything

is not always

as it seems. 

A.L.O.N.E.

A.L.O.N.E. stands for,

A: a never ending pain

L: lonesome, teary nights

O: outcast from everyone else

N: no one to understand

E: everyone to disappear

A.L.O.N.E.

I am A.L.O.N.E.

I Pretend

I pretend not to see

I pretend not to hear

you two yell into the night,

and I pretend that I don't care.

I pretend not to care about the things

 that you say behind my back.

I pretend that they can call me names,

and it doesn't change a thing about how I feel.

I pretend to be happy.

I pretend to be happy so that

you don't worry about me.

I pretend to be strong 

so that you can draw from that strength

I pretend to be....

someone completely different then me.

When will you ever learn?

When will you ever see?

That this really isn't the true me?

When will you learn,

that I just pretend to be? 

Im not OK, Im Just A Really Good Actress

"Hey, how are you?" :D

"I'm Good" :)

"That's great, I've been amazing. OMG you'll never guess what happened between John and me last night!!!" :D 

"OMG What?!?!?!?" :O 

"Well....." :D

*Sigh* Oh if only you knew, I don't give a damn about what happened to you last night. Truth is, I simply don't have the time for your petty little problems,  when I have my own bigger, more important, ones haunting me where ever I go. You don't know this though and I can't be mad at you for this, since no one does. And no one knows this because I'm happy, optimistic Monica without a care in the world. Well, I'm not. I am not OK, I'm just a really good actress. I can go around and pretend to care, pretend to laugh, pretend to smile. I can go around and lie to you with my eyes. No one wants to see past that first layer of skin, no one wants to see the real, shattered, broken me. And that's "OK" because I really don't want to see her ether.

 

Hamster Wheels

My mind is like a hamster wheel,

always running, running, running

but never getting anywhere.

No matter how long or hard I run

I can never seem to get to where

I need to be.

I am stuck, never moving forward.

I am stuck in one place for the rest

of my pitiful existence.

Just like mu mind is running on a

hamster wheel.



Clumsy Me

My life has always been clumsy, never stable, never sound. There has always been something horribly wrong waiting around the next corner. First money, then pain. Followed by fear and loss. Will it never end? Tripping, falling stumbling, never on solid ground. Dropping down, down, down. Always tumbling down. A clumsy life of both body and mind. I try ever so hard to be graceful but I always fall.