"Thats how I learned to hold back all feeling"

I'm not one to show my true emotions and soon you'll see why.

I was once very soft and to learn very quickly to be hard. 

I cried about every little thing, and was often scolded for it.

So I learned how to push my emotions aside, and just do what I was told.

I learned how to silence my tears untill I was alone.

I learned to scream when no one was home.

I learned how to keep things to myself.

I learned how to not show my emotion on the outside.

And i learned how to become numb.

Numb to the happiness, numb to the pain.

Numb to the kindness, numb to the shame.

Untill, over time, I was nothing but numb.

Forced to violence, just so I can feel again.

And now you  know why I hold back all feeling.

Why I hide my make-up smeared eyes.  

Now go tell everyone, I don't care.

Tell everyone that I'm a heartless bitch that dosen't feel. 

Just remember me.

Amd know that when I'm gone,

you'll be one of the reasons why.

They Knew To Little

She wakes up every mourning, and puts a fake smile on her face.
She goes to school and on lives through a masqurade.
They all think she's the happiest person that ever lived.
But when she gets home, she tucks the smile away and pulls the razor out.
And with the razor comes the sorrow and the pain that she hides so well.
Everyday it's the same.
The blood always follows the plastered on smiles, that no one can see past.
But one day she cut to deep, and bleed to death on the bathroom floor.
They could have saved her, but that's one mistake they'll never be able to take back.
They knew to little, and for that she payed the price.
Never to live a full and plentafull life.
So let this be a warning, to those who are blind.
That there is always more to a person, then whats on the outside.

You Assume

You assume that Im lazy

You assume that all I do is eat

You assume that i know every single thing

that happens in this house of ours.

You asume that Im happy

You assume that my life is perfectly fine.

But you shouldn't assume such things about you own daughter.

Because it's a very hard habbit to break.

You yell and scream and assume and judge.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe you were wrong?

Im not lazy, and i barely even eat.

I don't have the time or the skill it takes to know where

everything goes or what everyone does.

Im nor all that happy and my life is going down the drain.

Youve put me through my own personal hell.

But still you assume.

A Million Tiny Fractures

A million fractures that I can see,
are just a million fractures that they cannot.

The rain falls from the fractures in my heart,

drenching everything in tears.

A flower grows from those tears,

proud and strong from these tears of pain,

from the fractures in my heart.

The fractures will eventually heal and turn hard.

My heart will turn crystal, diamond in fact.

Never to let anyone in,

and to think that this all started

from just a million fractures 

that they just could not see.

They Refuse

My heart is breaking right before my eyes,

Yet they refuse to see.

My screams are ringing off these hollow walls in there ears,

Yet they refuse to hear.

The blood from my arms bleeds into there open mouths,

Yet theu refuse to taste.

Im reaching out and trying to grab ahold of there hands,

But they refuse to feel.

Im trrying to save myself,

But they refuse to help.

Playground Fun

Alone, thats what I am.
Alone like the lonely playground swings,
skweaking in the wind.

Mistreated, thats what I am.

Mistreated like the abused playground slide,

being climed up instead of slide down.

Dangerous, thats what I am.

Dangerous like the silly monkey bars,

that just dare people to fall.

Solitary, thats what I am.

Solitary like the single tree,

that seems to have grown out of nowhere.

That's me, thats who I am.

That is me crying my silent,deadly tears.

While sitting under my favorite tree,

in that big abandoned playground.

Where no one can see me,

slowly falling to peices.



They Turn There Heads

Turning there heads, away from

the obvious.

Turning there heads, away from

the pain of others.

Turning there heads, away from

anything other than them.

They don't want to see, so they don't.

People today do not want to believe, that

 there are people out there suffering worse than them

They turn there heads away from the

people in pain, the peope that are suffering

They make them shove that pain and suffering aside

and focus on them

They turn there heads, and close there eyes

to blockout the desprate crys for help

They turn there heads,
and become blind.